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Insecure Writer's Support Group: My Brain Is A Jerk
And my body isn't much better.
November 1st question:
November is National Novel Writing Month. Have you ever participated? If not, why not?
I tried once and my brain thought it would be utterly hilarious to not write a single word to spite NaNo. True story. My brain is a dick1.
I feel the uncertainty of the future again. Lately, hubby and I have been discussing houses. By the time this goes out, we’ll have looked at least one, and I went through the process with our bank to pre-approved a loan. We’re both terrified because houses aren’t cheap. But our apartment is getting a little too small for us.
Hubby’s job as a software developer pays well, so we’re both confident we can buy a house on his income. Still, I don’t want that burden to solely fall on him. We’re a team, after all. A job with more hours than my crossing job might be in my future.
What does that mean for my writing?
That’s the million dollar question.
I know writers who carved out bits of writing here and there. I know someone who wrote their book in 10 minute increments while waiting to pick up their kids.
I’d love to do the same.
If my brain worked that way.
Unfortunately, not only is my brain a dick, but it needs time to get into a story. I can’t say, “I have 15 minutes to get some writing in. Go!” My brain only hears, “You only have 15 minutes. Now 14. Now 13.”
Once I tried telling myself I’d try to write at least 100 words a day. If I got more, great. My brain heard, “You can only write 100 words per day. If you write more on one day, you will not have 100 words the next.”
Then there’s the matter of energy. While I’m not perpetually exhausted like I was before my surgery, it’s definitely not optimal. For October, I had the 7:30am crossing guard shift. It’s only an hour. I get home and my body goes, “We’re home. We need to make up for getting up early.” I tried to push through the tiredness.
And spent the afternoon only able to focus on how tired I was and my inability to think. I ended up falling asleep in the end. So, I opted to snooze when I get home, but sometimes, my body decides it needs another snooze in the evening. Trying to push through that yields similar results to the morning efforts.
I have to figure out how to work around my brain and body’s hang ups. It will enable me to get a job and be consistent with my writing.
But I’m drawing a blank on ideas. I know what doesn’t work, so, I’m turning to the IWSG community.
Share your writing routines.
How you deal with your brain or body being a jerk.
Or how you write with a chronic illness if that’s you.
Maybe something will click with me. Maybe it will click for someone else struggling to get writing in.
Today's post was part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group.
Created by the ninja captain, Alex J. Cavanaugh, it's a group for writers struggling with writing insecurity (AKA all of us) to gather and discuss their fears or to celebrate writing victories. If you are a struggling writer or need encouragement and friendship, join us. (Someone might have cookies!)
Thank you for your support, and until next time, stay spooked!
A big dick. The other Monday at the allergist, they accidentally hit a nerve. It happens, they said, and the nerves in the area they do shots are small nerves and it will heal. My brain spent the rest of the week shouting at me, “YOUR ARM IS GOING TO DIE AND YOU’LL NEVER WRITE OR KNIT OR WORK AGAIN!”