Insecure Writer's Support Group: Endometriosis Anniversary
Today marks the 2 year anniversary of my surgery that gave me back my life.
For those of you not in the know, I have Endometriosis. It looked something like this.
Blank days were the days I didn't have pain. There weren't many. You can see it progressively getting worse each month. I went to the ER three times in four months because the pain was so bad. Ever not brush your teeth for days in a row? Or shower? Or use deodorant? It's not pretty.
On February 1st of 2021, I had surgery. It went... a little off the rails. I was supposed to go home the same day and instead spent two nights in the hospital. I had a catheter in for a month because my bladder (and bowels) were trying to fuse with my uterus, and it had to be pried off and in the process tore.
I gave my doctor a challenge, but she rose to it.
The uncertainty of how much the surgery would help vanished. She was 100% certain I'd feel better.
And I did. Infinitely better.
The thing is there's still healing going on two years later. Those 10 years of ever-increasing pain and some doctor'’ lack of willingness to do anything took its toll. (If you are a doctor, one surefire way to lose any trust your patients have in you is to say "Well, you'll just have to deal with it." Yes, I was told that by a doctor.")
I have a deep fear of going back to that pain and I don't trust doctors to help. Sometimes I panic that I need to do everything now because tomorrow I might be in too much pain and this time nothing will ease it. Over the years, I had a few false hopes that a treatment worked. Until it didn't.
I'm doing my best to not focus on those fears. Live each day to the best of my ability and enjoy the fact the surgery helped so much. Most people with chronic illness and pain don't get that lucky.
So, for now, I want to have a little party and celebrate getting my life back.
Today's post was part of the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Created by the ninja captain, Alex J. Cavanaugh, it's a group for the writers (AKA all of us) struggling with writing insecurity to gather and discuss our fears or to celebrate writing victories. If you are a struggling writer or need encouragement and friendship, join us. (Someone might have cookies!)
Remember to visit the co-hosts and give them a shout-out for helping. Jacqui Murray, Ronel Janse van Vuuren, Pat Garcia, and Gwen Gardner!
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